A free man in Paris

Actually, this song is about about missing being on holiday or a more leisurely time in life – but it’s curiously tied up with my revelation that the way I’ve been for the last 3 years is about becoming a writer, not really about being in love with someone else.  When I was younger I thought a lot about being a writer – and I concluded that to be any kind of artist was to live a very selfish, solipsistic sort of life.  At that time, in my 20s, I was really too busy having fun to write.   Later, I had a rather lonely time between marriages, and because I couldn’t or didn’t write much then, I concluded that what I liked about writing was my perception of the lifestyle – the sort of lifestyle that’s described in Free Man in Paris – wandering about, meeting friends, drinking, having lunch together – a nice time.  I didn’t, or couldn’t then, cope with the hard work...I was writing – I have several thousand words on 3 different works, but I couldn’t finish anything, couldn’t engage or commit myself.  I wanted to get married and have children.

 It’s only now, in the last 3 years I have coped with the effort/commitment of writing.  Completed a novel, heaved around, written, re-written, started new works, thought about things, worn out a laptop keyboard and an adaptor... I write all right.    The last few weeks have been weird – I’m “on holiday” from writing, but I realise one is never on holiday – there are always things one can see that feed idea – the ideas about Seth and Osiris that will enter 17Y in some shape or form that came from a museum trip on Saturday in Boulogne (am I surprised that my nearest decent museum is in France?).  If I sneak a look at TRF version 6 I can find lots to change, edit – even phrases that have been there since 2009!  Writing properly isn’t at all like A Free Man in Paris – I can’t quite settle to doing anything significant at the moment.  When I hear from the Agent I will either have to do some more editing/re-writing – or start sending TRF off again (sigh!).  So until I hear something, I can’t quite convince myself to write 17Y or edit TRF significantly.