Ballyalban Fairy Fort

Ballyalban Fairy Fort

Sunday 16 June 2013

Hanging on in there...

I think the fact that I haven't been writing in a sustained way for about 8 weeks is a BAD THING - but not a hopeless one.  In this period my husband has effectively become unemployed - which necessitated a certain amount of input on paperwork and finance from me, two friends have been diagnosed with cancer and one has subsequently died, I have entertained a number of foreign visitors, seen a few friends, been to a lovely family book launch... and tried to make some money selling advertising.  I have also submitted TRF to four agents, so far one has kindly refused with the "try other agents" line - a sign that one's book is a book - and one isn't wasting one's time.

I had hoped to spend June revising the first volume of Conscience but this simply hasn't been possible, there has been a great deal of fire-fighting on all fronts (including youngest son's emotional/educational career).  So far, in mid-June, I have revised 10% of it - but I'm happy with what I did because I feel I know now what is needed to make it stronger (thanks to Tolstoy!) so it remains as my project for the summer.  What I wanted to do this summer was put my head down and write Islanders - I have this feeling I could steam on with it and finish it in a few weeks a la Stephen King - I can feel it within, gestating quietly, limbs lengthening, organs functioning, central nervous system building - just ready to be laboured onto the laptop as soon as I have a moment.  As for TRF, irritatingly, whenever I do a submission and read the synopsis I find myself thinking that the book should be stronger in certain ways - points should be emphasised... but we'll see.

Sadly in the last two months I have sometimes been overwhelmed by waves of depression - not sure if it's really "mine" - it seems to come out of nowhere and burst like a raincloud.  It can sometimes be warded off by a nice meal or a conversation, but sometimes it just returns regardless. In these periods I find myself thinking of giving up writing and forgetting all about it.  In those moments, if I had any alternative, I probably would.  But I have been forced to stop writing so often that I don't think I will this time, this is not exactly my last chance, but it sometimes feels like it.  

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