Not writing much

Just editing Claudius's Elephants  for Mark - which is fine - but time consuming, requiring a lot of re-writing and some consultation with Wikipedia... fact checking it's called.  I told him a couple of years ago when he was ill that I'd finish the book for him if he died, but I'm not sure I'd be able to - finding my way through his card indexes would be a nightmare. 

I have written nothing on TRF for several days.  This is chiefly because I have a cold - I have the superstition that if I write when I am ill it will be no good - this is because I remember writing reams of stuff when I had appalling flu in Paris in 1976... but now I come to think of it, it produced some rather good work.   There's a lightheadedness about illness that frees one's imagination - regrettably it probably also dilutes one's critical faculties.  I enjoyed an episode of East Enders on Sunday when I was feeling really grim.  Perhaps I should plunge in, cold or no cold - so maybe tomorrow - after the Ocado delivery of course, I will have a really big writing day.   (I have to write an estimate and nice letter to an archaeology client of course, first).  Or do I mean a big re-writing day?  I think I have to tackle the whole university experience differently - perhaps get the feminist flat-share that I planned for 17 Years into this, lose the commune?  Actually, the cold must have largely disappeared - now I am planning things again!

Book of the Month!

This month I have only managed to read one book - not a very auspicious start to 2012.   Last year I had read about 4 by now, which since I ended the year having read about 40 was about right.

I have become very aware that I am reading fewer, easier books - and to amend that I asked for some slightly tougher non-fiction  for Christmas - however, although I started Teofilo Ruiz's The Terror of History I haven't got very far with it - due to distractions, it certainly seemed very enjoyable... For various reasons I think I want to finally read Jared Diamond's Collapse next: I started it about 2.5 years ago, when it was recommended to me, but at the time found the subject matter, the decline of cultures/civilisations/communities, rather distressing.

The book I just finished is a worthwhile candidate - The Lacuna by Barbara Kingsolver.  It's an interesting book - set partly in Mexico and in the 1920s-50s with lots of good chewy issues: about being self-effacing, about how newspapers twist stories, how distortions come to be believed, how there are holes in things - which can conceal information... a very clever book really. Much more enjoyable than The Poisonwood Bible which I stopped reading because I found all the characters unsympathetic...

The dangers of success

I haven't written for 2 days - Thursday is a doing other things day - and today I have had a stinking cold, so all I did was add a thought to my notes - better than nothing, and made me feel connected with the plot and characters.

On Wednesday night I was explaining to some chums what had happened (agent interest etc) - and there was a bit of a shift in the air - I was asked questions about writing and so on, and realised a number of things.   First, which I knew, was that I don't have any creative writing "theory" so I can't talk about "story" and "meta-narratives" etc.  Second, more worryingly, is that if I am treated like an expert I am possibly going to get a bit pompous.  Thirdly, if I am successful, I could become insufferable.

This is an old realisation - first discovered at secondary school - when I was quiet and reflective, people were nice to me, when I was ebullient and full of myself I was generally told to shut up.  I think I modify my behaviour now - I don't really think I will be horrible.  It is just such an abnormal feeling to be so confident about my ability suddenly, and confident that other people will like what I do, and that the book will be published and people will read it.  It's a strange thing - the transition from one's writing being private to becoming potentially public. 

The curious (and beneficial) thing about it is that the re-writing is so intensely enjoyable in part because I know someone is waiting to read this and comment on it in a constructive way... I would be enjoying this period more if it wasn't for money worries... and the stinking cold!

A new chapter

I have now written another new chapter in the new version of the book.  I am happy because I have managed to retain some material, as well as writing new stuff without problems - except when the computer crashed yesterday...I've been managing to write all the new stuff as though it had just been waiting for me to write it, but I am still worried whether I can make this new book as good and fresh as the original was... I can't help feeling a the plot is a bit dull.   We were talking last night about books in the Belgian Bar - and how so many plots were repeated - and yet the books are still worth reading - since after all, the different characters give the plots completely different life.   I also discovered that I am currently writing a meta-narrative (very fashionable...!).

And more...

About 2,000 words yesterday - nothing today as had to concentrate on financial matters, which I am reluctant and slow to deal with... but also need a pause - have just got to a crucial bit, and realise I may have to backtrack a bit - I'm also re-thinking of the possibility of keeping the original beginning... still haven't heard anything from Agent - but steady as she goes... should work on that, instead of this, but this is just a bit of R&R from the horrors of mortgate, estimates and income and expenditure reports...and I don't know if I can work tonight - Alex says he's coming, but on 3 previous occasions he's said he would come around and hasn't.  I think I ought to have a word with him about it.

And writing

Another 4,000 words in the last few days - feeling happy.  Fortunately most of the jokes in the book are for me alone - I don't think anyone else would understand them, so no one can be offended by them.

The writing is going well - just difficult and challenging enough for me to enjoy - I do have to stop and think - and that's good, I enjoy that.  I have cast Alan Rickman as Leo - it's an interesting idea, if one has a physical idea in one's mind one can write towards it.... it allows one to incorporate bits of how one imagines the person might be - or bits of roles one has seen them in.   I've never done this before - but it seems to work.  It came out of the "Who would play..... in a film of the book..." This does not mean I am anticipating selling the film rights any time soon - but one thinks of all the possibilities... I think getting a contract with an agent would be a step in the right direction.   She is evidently still thinking about Conscience - a bit awkward if she's also finding it a bit of a conundrum.

More

Another 2,000 + words today - it's all going very smoothly.  I am rather hugging myself because the book within a book thing allows me to make all sorts of references to the autobiographical element in writing... which is an extra strand.    I decided to simply plunge in and write the new material - and the characters are doing all the right things, and being themselves, and unfolding marvellously.  I haven't yet been over it to edit what I've written - so it will all be improved in time.

It is very happy-making.  I felt positively depressed on Tuesday - now I feel quite energised again.

New words

For the last week I haven't written much - and the last two days I've become incredibly sluggish.  I realise that writing is almost the closest I get to exercise - I don't mean physically but in the sense that it brings me to my senses, sharpens them, pulls me out of the great fog of impressions I live in.

I was at a very low ebb today - dealt with correspondence and other necessary matters.  I finally dragged myself to the supermarket etc. made supper and was preparing for the after dinner slump, when it occurred to me that two new ideas I had had about TRF needed to be executed now - so I did, or began to.  Despite some dithering - stopping to listen to music and have a quick game or two of something - I sat here for about 2 hours and produced 2,074 words.   These are new words, for the new version.  It is good not to be editing so much.

The book TRF now has a book in it (none of the text is there) - it is about a book that creates a love affair - now - and my fantasy is that if TRF gets publshed, they can put a copy of The Formative Year in a digital format for keen fans to read...and make another 99p or whatever they charge for digi-books.  I think that this could be rather a sensation.  Provide lots of marketing copy for them anyway...

Displacement activities

I am a rare genius at these.  I am editing the early chapters of TRF for the 16th? 17th? time it seems, trying to reduce the information load but maintain the same emotional intensity/adolescent experience.  Part of me really doesn't want to do this re-write I now realise, but I know that the original book will still be there - ready for the samizdat/ebook edition if I ever want to issue it in its original form.

The challenge is to make this a really readable, insightful new book.. and keep some of the humour.   A was saying how much the original made her laugh (she read version 10 I think - so pretty much the finished product) and I wanted to ask her "which bits?" so that I could rescue them.  But I can't just do that, and I have so much new stuff to write that I need to get on with it.. so, back to work.

And in addition...

Work attracts work - in the last week I have been working on two other people's books.  One is a novel, written by my friend D.   She asked me to transpose the first 6,000 words into past tense... I did, I think it's an improvement, although she could get away with the present tense occasionally for tension/immediacy.  I think she's got a good story - although I haven't read the whole thing - and I think she has some lovely images, however, I find her writing a bit difficult to read - it seems to bounce ahead too fast - a tad more explication is required - things happen too suddenly.  I was itching to do more editing on those 6,000 words - but contented myself with a couple of adjustments to the punctuation.   I now understand what agents have meant when they described my writing as "smooth"... it connects and flows, and in places D's doesn't.  Would like to offer some advice - but haven't got a positive suggestion, can't think exactly how she should put it right.

The other "job" is working on M's book Claudius' Elephants which is taking shape slowly - he wants to send 3 ch and a synopsis off to various editors.  Apparently he can risk sending non-fiction direct to the publishers, but obviously we have to check their submissions policies, so a trawl of the websites will follow.

Originally I was going to co-author CE with him, but I couldn't get engaged with it; I think it's a great idea (because it was partly mine).  He originally wanted to write about how Claudius used elephants in the invasion of Britain.  I suggested that a wider-ranging look at elephants in the ancient world, how they were used and trained, with lots of anecdotes, would be much better... as it would broaden the readership from the history/archaeology/Roman invasion nuts to include elephant lovers (especially if lavishly illustrated).

I am also going to attempt to reprise my masterful introductory letter - much praised by Agent as an excellent example of a letter to an agent.   I would sell it as a format - but the fact is, it isn't just the letter, it's the contents (my background and achievements to date) that can't be duplicated. That sounds rather pompous, but it isn't meant to be, just that I've got to a certain level - done my 10,000 hours and have already had something published. 

Snip! Slash, tear!

Didn't work for so many hours on the text today - but realised with a shock how many of my wonderful observations about LOVE are going to have to be lost, because I am no longer writing a book about unrequited love/passion/obsession - but about a full-on love affair... so I hope I will have a great many new insights to replace them with!   On the other hand, it will make for a more dynamic readable book.... but I keep thinking "all this wonderful, cultural education materials is going to be lost...."

I have tried to cut some of the material out of the text I am gutting - but I still have 80,000 words -actually, I didn't cut much at the beginning - so perhaps there are only 60,000 - which gives me 40,000 to add new material - but I have a sneaking feeling that this will be a longer book.  I must work harder on condensing the adolescent experience.   Maybe I should actually re-write rather than re-use.... as Agent suggested.  It's easier in some ways.   But I need to send her the synopsis/outline tomorrow - and then when she's given her approval to get cracking with it.

It's exciting - but it's also annoying, because now, instead of being very free, enjoyable thing to do, it is now officially WORK... which means, alas, that I really am a writer now.   I suppose it's like the difference between love and marriage - dabbling and really doing it!   Must add that little appercu to the work.

A hard day's write... 1

Spent yesterday reading TRF and highlighting what I might keep, discarding bits, highlighting other bits I was damned if I was going to throw away - the "darlings" that writers are always told to kill!   I expect a lot of them won't make the cut in the end.  

My concept of the new version of TRF hasn't changed much - it's just a matter of refining the synopsis/outline and praying that Agent likes it...I keep thinking of new refinements - in fact it's great - because after all I went on thinking about love after I finished the book  - and now I can add all those new ideas.

The only trouble is, while I was in the middle of the cutting, I felt slightly dizzy with what had to be done: a sense of being ensnared in the whole thing.  However, I know rationally that there is a good new structure and that I can make it work.  It's a matter of refining the many ideas that are arising as I work on it.

The great re-write begins

Actually not strictly true - began to re-write almost as soon as I put down the phone after Agent's call last week, but today is the day I am beginning it properly, following her helpful suggestions.

First problem - she described the opening of the novel as "a bravura opening" - so why change a good thing?  On the other hand - it isn't the opening for the new version of the novel.  So perhaps I had better keep some of the text for the incident in the art gallery, only put that later in the book - closer to chronological order... decisions, decisions.  I feel that this will be a tricky time, which is why I am writing this, not that.

OOOH!

I am working away - re-writing, editing, making up new things, thinking about the structure and synopsis... and of course, sod's law, suddennly virtually every one of my female friends is desperate to see me... I think it is a bit early to be lionised... simply working with an agent isn't quite the same as winning the Booker...

Anyway, today Agent replied to my email - confirming what I'd understood of what she thought would work better.  She made some suggestions about the type of synopsis I should send her... which forestalled my rather scrappy notes I was thinking of offering - and she obviously wants rather more detail - more of a storyboard than a simple outline of the flow... it's all very helpful and my brain has gone over to greater clarity...

I am reluctant to give up some of my carefully observed and beautifully crafted (joke - sort of!) sections, but they need to go, even the 4 Cardinal virtues - in fact the whole afternoon I spent thinking in Somerset House could have been wasted... but maybe like prayer, writing is never wasted - it's all good exercise. 

I am actually looking forward to making these changes, but the impatient bit (I want a publisher now!) is keen to crash on regardless... I am simultaneously hard-working and lazy... mad.

Conscience has gone on a back burner... perhaps a bit of a relief...I always loved TRF and am determined to do it properly.  What makes me especially happy is the half dozen people who have said to me "oh yes, I'm writing a novel" or "Oh, everyone wants to write a novel" etc. and have yet to produce...  This sounds a bit Schadenfreudey - and some people, like Denise and Marietta are beavering away and getting there...   Anyway, there are no guarantees that I can produce the goods - but I'm going to have a damn good try...

A development

The agent rang me today.  She likes the ideas, the writing, thinks it could have enormous potential - if I completely re-write it.  And turn the whole thing into a full-on adult love affair... well, dearie!

When I started writing the novel I had alternative versions in which there was a love affair - or a murder - and so on.  Should I go back to these, or do something new and strange?  Or turn the encounter at the wedding into something else... make the children older, to get them a bit more out of the way...if I re-wrote then I might get to re-do Phillip and a lot of other things which I've been meaning to do. 

Alternatively I could continue to put it about to other agents in the hope that someone else might take it.  I felt that Agent wanted me to write the great feminist romantic novel - to answer the question what does love mean to a feminist?  And that's a bloody difficult question, because perhaps I would have to side-step it and say - either that Lucy is overwhelmingly a romantic - or maybe that this love isn't any more than a sexual thing that got out of hand.

In one way I want to re-write, in another way, I feel unable to be sure that re-writing to one agent's preferences might be a problem.  I told her a bit about Conscience she didn't seem keen - but said "those are the circumstances - what's the story?"   I suppose I'm not used to thinking of things in that way - the story is the tension I suppose - the struggle - will he desert and divorce, will he "do the right thing" and stay with her, or will his own desire for a family life mean he has to leave the church... etc.  The emotions make the story in that sense, it's just that I don't think in quite those terms, but it will clearly be an improvement to my work if I do!

I am still thinking about what to do.   

This morning I dreamed I was going to S Africa for a fortnight in the October holiday - I was rather panicking about how it would work, but also thinking what a lot of people I could see.  It felt so incredibly real, that I still feel as though we are going to do this.   Perhaps we are.

January 1st

The excuses begin, no, I am not beginning my new regime today, in fact not until 4th January, and only with limitations, since the first 3 weeks of the year have to be spent in a major house-clearing operation.  I feel that clearing the house and preparing for the new student/income stream are a major part of setting things right this year and the greater clarity and space that will be achieved will make a lot of difference to how I feel, and my ability to concentrate.

In the past I have felt guilty about writing, because I haven't declared it my major activity.  So I haven't made proper time for it, when I wrote the first draft of The Romantic Feminist I had to steal time, and people found it very difficult that I couldn't be interrupted or disturbed and that I growled at them if they ignored what I was doing.

What I am going to find difficult is writing in the bedroom.   Yes, it is the largest room in the house, and there's plenty of room for a desk etc. but I anticipate less of a sense of ownership - less of a right to write there.   Perhaps I should use the spare room when we don't have visitors/students/guests...I can just take the laptop in there - it's a good room to write in, a view of the garden, good light etc.

 But things will work out somehow.  It is really time to organise the house around what we are using it for, rather than some notional ideas.  If we are using it to make money, we need to get it organised.