Only a bad dream?

I had one of those dreams, where you have an outcome to a real life issue, you know, where the man you fancy kisses you and says that you are the one, or whatever.   These dreams don't always have a good outcome of course.  I woke about an hour ago from a really bad dream.  I was reading an email from the independent publisher I've sent TMoF to.  It began by saying he'd enjoyed reading it and it was well written but "the reason I'm not writing to you wearing my keen hat".... and then was a long detailed breakdown about how the market wasn't ready for this.

I awoke about an hour ago, with a sick feeling in my stomach that has not yet dispersed.  I think if some one turns you down, on the whole you don't want a long closely argued email of justification.  This is really, currently, barring death and destruction to my family, currently my worst nightmare and I've just had it.  

I wonder if I've heaped too much expectation on TMoF.  I believe it to be good, commercially the most viable thing I've written, without compromising too much.  This inner belief, the gut certainty which one seldom gets, has impelled me to promote it and shout about it more widely amongst my friends than I would have dreamed of doing with previous efforts.  And on the whole, I felt I was coasting towards publication in the not too distant future.    This dream has shattered those feelings and replaced it with a big dose of "What if I'm wrong?  Do I have a plan B for the book?  Will I self-publish after a year of getting knocked back?  I have hopes from America, the US market might be wider and deeper, but I'd have to remove those sarky remarks about American tourists.

It is also true that TMoF isn't the only pawn in the game, the re-write of the Ash Grove is on the agenda next.so...it wouldn't be the end of all my hopes.   Nevertheless, it would have a very negative impact if he turned me down.  I'm not saying TMoF is the greatest work of literature ever, or even the supreme commercial novel - only that, for once I know it's good! It really doesn't have anything much wrong with it, and I know that there's a market out there for it.  If an enterprising independent publisher who publishes a wide range of titles doesn't pick it up, it would really squash my hopes of a more conventional agent or editor liking it.  

Paralysis

So - what happens between books?  Oh - everything and nothing.  Usually, to date, I've had a burning idea for another book and I've been researching and sketching things out and so on.  Alternatively, there have been previous works to amend, re-write and generally tinker with, and lots of submissions.

For some reason, perhaps because I have two no burning ideas for another book, and  potential publishers a tiny bit interested in two books - subject to re-writes - and 200 other things that might go wrong - I feel totally paralysed.  If I start working on changing one, I then feel distracted and want to do something on the other.  I have dedicated myself to The Ash Grove for the last week - and done nothing.  Next week I am going to start with re-writes to TMoF - because I've had good feedback from Tara and have wanted to fiddle with it.  Perhaps if I tell myself this is the week to do it I can finish and make a start with TAG after the half term.

When I say this, it all seems reasonable and sensible, no one's hassling me for them after all.  And that's probably the trouble.  Because while I feel good about TMoF on one level, I feel that because it's a seldom seen topic, transcending genres etc. that it may be even more difficult to place than any of the other books.  There is a bit of me that is saying "what's the point?" and at the moment that voice seems stronger than all the positive feedback.   So, spending a day in my dressing gown, replying to emails and trying to sort things out - and editing M's article on the Roman elephants for Minerva begins to seem like an almost serious day's work, especially as it is a Sunday.  I felt able to do this because I got my share of social life on Friday night (theatre) and Saturday (demo in Dover, followed by Ruth R's vernissage).  So today it was either gardening or the laptop.  But not writing.  For some reason I don't write on Sundays.  However, I still have ideas, and hope to remember them on Monday!

Let us hope that the paralysis is temporary (it's lasted a couple of weeks now) and that the negative voices in my head are simply a sign of a slightly compromised immune system (new thinking says this could be the cause of schizophrenia).

Submissions and the lunar cycle.

I often send batches of submissions out at New Moon (the Rudolf Steiner system) and coincidentally I usually get a lot of rejections around the Full Moon. This could be because agents go wild and start shredding their slushpiles before the very eyes of their terrified assistants. Astrologers would say it's because the Full Moon is a time of completion and fulfillment/endings. The menstrual cycles is said to be "naturally" aligned to the moon's phases: ovulation at New Moon, menstruation at Full Moon. Does this mean all those spates of rejection letters are a result of PMT? Should I just submit to male agents, or is there some testosterone equivalent? Weirdly, I've just noticed that this Full Moon has not brought on the usual round of rejections, not even on the Friday (often a favoured day for dealing with the slushpiles). i

A rapid response - 2 days later!

"I don't feel it's right for our list" is a common kiss-off line from agents.  It's actually perfectly fair and plausible - they feel the authors they represent have a certain "house style".  Which, especially in a smaller agency, is almost certainly true, since their authors are all hand-picked after all.  But when you look at a literary agency's client list and find it is full of people you haven't heard of, who have written books with really unattractive covers, it becomes difficult to know whether you fit into that particular bunch of "middle list writers" you haven't heard of, or another bunch, represented by another agency.  What you could do of course, is check out some of those authors' works on Amazon.  This would take a few hours, days, if you were really assiduous, but at least you'd know not to submit to that agency.  

The trouble is, all the writers I really like are represented by uber grand agents - who don't even allow writers to submit to them - you could burn incense and rare meats under their noses for 40 days and still be turned away.  Short of being personally introduced to them by William Boyd or Seb Faulks you have no chance with these guys.  Being rejected by them would be a privilege, being rejected by a small agency run by two young women who were made redundant from publishing jobs and couldn't think of anything else to do, feels a bit humiliating.  I know, I am sounding all Ed Reardon now... (http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b006r5ck) but, like the Murphy's, I'm not bitter. And I would, of course, be very happy to be taken on by any agency run by two young women recently made redundant from publishing jobs. Or indeed, run by men, coyotes, or mutants from outer space.  

Trumpet sounding....

It is all about the publicity isn't it?  So when I submitted to the agent who'd been on my mind, I saw that her agency wanted evidence of what one had done to promote the book.   Now, to me it seems like appalling hubris, but some people start FB pages to promote their books, usually after they are published.  However, other people start pages before that, and I have now joined their ranks.   This is the link  https://www.facebook.com/The-Malice-of-Fairies-519328408225637/timeline/

I had of course posted on FB in July, a link to this blog and the first chapter, and I'd tweeted about it...but having a whole Fb page seemed one step towards hubris...self-delusion, and downfall.  Anyway, so far I have 43 likes which isn't bad - and even likes from people who don't know me.  So now I suppose I had better go off and tweet the link to my followers (all ? 200 of them).   And then I have to think of new interesting content. Which I might stick up here on the blog... and post links to it.  It's a kind of massive circle jerk really.

Today's rejection

I had an agent rejection - it was " You write well, but I'm just not sure it'll stand out enough in what is such a competitive market." 

What, there are so many fairy abduction novels out there?  No, she just didn't like it.  No matter.  I would love to know where all these mysterious agents who represent books about fairies are though!

For the last few days I've had a particular agent's name on my mind - but I'm not sure if she represents this sort of novel, still, I can but hope.  I wrote a longer than usual account of myself, since this agency wants to know if one is approaching the matter in the most professional way possible.  So as a result I felt compelled to set up an FB page.  Then I felt full of hubris - suppose this one doesn't make it either?  How silly will I look?  I am searching for some nice images for the page, I was looking, inevitably at Arthur Rackham, and I found this one rather sympathetic. I don't think it's quite what I want on the cover though.  If there ever is a cover.  Then again, who knows, I might be searching for covers any month now.

A submission to a publisher

I have never submitted one of my novels directly to a publisher before - and today I have.   A few weeks ago I attended a mini literary festival called "Margate Bookie" where I met (amongst others) Matthew Smith of the newish independent publishers "Urbane Publications".  I heard him speak at WhitLit in May, and Tara was so impressed that she signed with him.  I interrogated him about his publishing model, which he calls "collaborative publishing" and involves more input, and work, from authors.  But the work is chiefly of the going around and doing signing and speaking about your book - which I can't see would be totally arduous.

I sent him a note 2 weeks ago, and didn't get a reply and I was a bit discouraged, but now I thought, Oh sod it, just send it to him.  He had said I could if I wanted to.  I think we were both being a bit "cool".  Today I received another lovely rejection from Juliet Pickering who said she just didn't "do" suspension of disbelief and thus not magical realism...but many other agents would.  I cheekily asked her to suggest a couple of agents to help cut down the slop of submissions.  We'll see, I've also done one agent submission this morning - so I'm hoping!

Anyway, I am full of grandiose ideas about how this novel will do commercially - and wonder what to do next - I had planned lots of agent submissions this week, but if Matthew likes it I will be writing a different sort of letter.  And maybe I could focus on US submissions instead.

The unnerving thing is that I know about this, I am feeling an internal resolved confidence that I haven't felt about anything for years (oh wait - did I know TRF was going to be published - ulp, I think I did).  Then again I sort of knew that I would get some interest in another quarter (not being explicit here for fear of making assumptions) and I have had, just need to do the necessary work first.  Anyway, we'll see.  Of course one is always hopeful about a new production, but the fact that I've had so much really good feedback on this one does make me more confident.  Of course there are those whose response is "Urggh - fairies" (who include the author of Duncton Wood - a series of books about talking badgers).  But most people love the premise - the uber rational meeting the irrational world.  One reader enjoyed the fairy sections more than the real world ones - and that seems to be a good thing - suggesting I've successfully conveyed the relative dullness of Deirdre's world - compared with the intensite of life in Faery... the opposite of Jonathan Strange and Mr Norell - which is a most wonderful, incomparable, book.  And may be that tension between the two worlds is something I want to consider - if I continue to write about the "interface" between these worlds.  Traditionally faery isn't much fun... all the appearances are just glamour...to hide the truth of what it's really like, and of course because it was important to distinguish between the false pleasures of faery and the true pleasures of Heaven...

The real inspiration of the book though is the Pilgrim plays of Sebastian Bankiewicz - which deal with real humans who come into contact with faery or magical matters.  He bases his stuff in English folk traditions...but still comes across examples of belief in the "old ways"... white magic etc.  I should have researched that more.