Ballyalban Fairy Fort

Ballyalban Fairy Fort

Friday 27 January 2012

The dangers of success

I haven't written for 2 days - Thursday is a doing other things day - and today I have had a stinking cold, so all I did was add a thought to my notes - better than nothing, and made me feel connected with the plot and characters.

On Wednesday night I was explaining to some chums what had happened (agent interest etc) - and there was a bit of a shift in the air - I was asked questions about writing and so on, and realised a number of things.   First, which I knew, was that I don't have any creative writing "theory" so I can't talk about "story" and "meta-narratives" etc.  Second, more worryingly, is that if I am treated like an expert I am possibly going to get a bit pompous.  Thirdly, if I am successful, I could become insufferable.

This is an old realisation - first discovered at secondary school - when I was quiet and reflective, people were nice to me, when I was ebullient and full of myself I was generally told to shut up.  I think I modify my behaviour now - I don't really think I will be horrible.  It is just such an abnormal feeling to be so confident about my ability suddenly, and confident that other people will like what I do, and that the book will be published and people will read it.  It's a strange thing - the transition from one's writing being private to becoming potentially public. 

The curious (and beneficial) thing about it is that the re-writing is so intensely enjoyable in part because I know someone is waiting to read this and comment on it in a constructive way... I would be enjoying this period more if it wasn't for money worries... and the stinking cold!

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